Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
