I didn't shave. On purpose
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
