i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
