Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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