i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
