i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you win again, gameday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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