He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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