Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
