Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
