You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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