he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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