Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
