There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize