Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
