We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There r osticjed everywhere
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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