How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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