6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
