Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
