Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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