This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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