im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
