she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
