Need sex. Gaining weight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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