My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
