I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
