No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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