when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
