Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
