my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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