saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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