actually, I'm a sock model
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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