i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
