well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
