$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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