I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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