You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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