Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
