I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize