I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
