no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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