I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
