is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
