new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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