Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
