I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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