Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
