you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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