She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
