My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
wow bdsm is so cute
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
