why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize