just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
