i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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