shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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