It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
