Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
