i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
