she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You left your phone here
Wait...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
