walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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