My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize