Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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