I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
