Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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