I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
