Pants 0. Shit 1.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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