I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
