Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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